This morning, I had an emergency session with my therapist before my meeting with the HR director of the new company. After a horrible evening -- But wonderful advice from my mom and friend, I wasn't in the mood to share more feelings. I was mentally drained and exhausted. Xanax makes me groggy and lethargic the next day and I took quite a bit yesterday.
Anyhoo, I made it to therapy and had a good session. I had moments of feeling like I could make the one minute drive to go sign the paperwork at the new job then moments of paralyzing fear. It was agonizing, but I decided to go with my gut and call the HR director when I left therapy to tell her that I would like to wait for a full-time position. I also told her that I had a lot of accounting work to finish at my aunt and uncle's business so the timing wasn't quite right. While I still feel like I burned a bridge with them (which kills me), I feel like I kept the door open -- If only just a crack.
As things typically go with me, I'm having second thoughts. I'm considering sending the HR director an email telling her I re-thought things over and would like to give it a try -- Maybe part-time. And since the position is temporary, it isn't such a huge commitment. But I know that once I do that, there's REALLY no turning back. My mom has even offered to drive me there (and be super late to work) which I think is the sweetest thing.
Before I send out any more emails, I'm going to eat something and sleep. My icky cold took my appetite away for a few days and now I'm ready to eat and take a nap. I'm going to write the email and save it as a draft. Until then, I need to do a lot of soul searching, eating, and sleeping.
Until next time,
PG
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